What if I’m Already Enough?

I’ve spent most of my adult life quietly measuring myself against other people.

Thinner.
More confident.
More put together.
More successful.

Whatever version of “better” I thought I was supposed to be.

Is it the onslaught of social media, unwanted ads popping up everywhere, or the yet-unsilenced voices from my childhood that followed me into adulthood?

Who knows.

Oddly enough, the one place I didn’t constantly compare myself was at work.

Before I retired, I was in a role where regular feedback reminded me that I was making a difference.

I heard from people on my team that I was the best leader they’d ever had. I was having a positive impact on their lives even when our conversations were difficult or uncomfortable.

In that role, I was never comparing myself to other managers. I wasn’t second-guessing myself or wondering if I should change my style to be more like them.

I was always just me. Open, fragile, somewhat scarred. But always authentic and able to walk in the shoes of my team members.

And that worked.

It was enough for people to see me for who I was and what I could offer.

Somewhere after childhood, I stopped believing that simply being myself was enough.

And once that voice settles in, it’s hard to quiet.

I’ve been thinking a lot about my former team mates over the past few weeks, feeling a little bit of FOMO. But then I realized it’s not about ‘fear of missing out’ because I don’t miss the work - I miss them.

I miss what they meant to me.
How they impacted me.
How they made me feel like I mattered and I was enough.

It hit me then. I had to be able to tell myself that I’m enough. I had to reintroduce myself to ‘Retired Denise’.

Turns out, she’s a lot gentler with herself.

Retirement has given me space to care for myself differently.

Not out of punishment or pressure…
but because I’m finally learning that I deserve that care.

I won’t have people around me every day to give me validation. I know my kids, my hubby, close friends and family all think that I’m good enough.

I just haven’t been convinced — but I’m getting there.

Like everything in my life lately, it’s coming at me in waves.

I will ride some. And I will turn my back on some if I’m not quite ready for them.

I know I will be.

Until next time, may a small wave of inspiration find you.